Money

It seems as though lately, money has been a big reason on why I am stressed.  As selfish as it sounds, I Wish money grew on trees.  In reality, I just want to be even with our bills.  There are many reasons why we are in as much debt as we are and as much as I try to put it in the past its hard.  My husband had an obsession with owning a new car every 2 or so years, can you say MAJOR negative equity?  Not to mention, my fault, I wanted a new, bigger house shortly after we got married and we were dumb and bought a new house, wait built a new house, without our other one being sold.  Granted we do have it rented, but it doesnt help us on the credit front. Speaking of the new house, then my husband told me he wanted to finish the basement little by little.  I agreed.  I should have known better.  My husband doesn't half/slowly do ANYTHING!  He ended up putting the entire basement on a credit card...ugh

I am not going to lie, Money is a HUGE stress in our relationship.  I just wish there was a way to fix it.  It doesnt help DH has always gotten/been given everything he ever wanted and is very materialistic thanks to his upbringing, but that is a WHOLE other issue in a of itself.  I just want to find peace with the money situation, and for DH and I to be on the same page.  I am tired of fighting, tired of stressing.  Tired of paying things late, etc.   ***PITY PARTY FOR 1*** Why Couldn't I be born to a rich family?  Have a great talent to where I made millions? ***BACK TO REALITY***  I should have just gone to school for something that made more money. 

But money doesn't equal happiness.  That is why I struggle so much with this.  I dream that if we had money to pay this off and that off and buy this and that, that things would be so much better/different.  I know better.  Deep in my heart i know that money isn't the root of happiness.  But I do feel if we had more money, or learned to be on the same page and figure things out, I will be less stressed, which hopefully in turn will equal more happiness? 

**Today I am thankful for my job, and for a wonderful coworker that helped me through a very scary/stressful situation today.  Nicole, you probably will never know I wrote this, but you have NO IDEA how much it means to me for you to offer your ear to listen when I need to vent.**

Frustrated

I apologize in advance if this post is all over the place. I started this blog as a way to hopefully just get my feelings out.  Feelings about life in general.  At this point in time there are few things that I feel I have going in the right direction for me.  My family and my job...Yes I have a few close friends, and I am thankful for them, but within the past 6 months, I feel as though I have lost more friends than I have.  I feel lost.  I feel as though we can never get ahead financially.  My DH gets a side job and we think we will have extra money to spend on a vet bill or to go on a "vacation" aka camping for a weekend, and then the car has trouble.  Or one of us has to go to the doctor.  I have so many dreams and aspirations that people have told me not to do away with, but why dream when you are constantly met with discouragement and negativity.  I dont have any hobbies, well I guess you can say I do, but due to some instances in the past 6 or so months, I dont feel like its something I enjoy anymore.  Which sucks. BIG TIME.  Ever feel as though the life was ripped right out of you in an instant...yea that was me, to not only a hobby, but a dream of mine. 

Granted, I realize that Many people have far worse things going on, and that my life's happenings are miniscule comparatively speaking.  As I said earlier, I just need an outlet.  Continually burying these feelings is not good for me and my health and relationships that I do have. I want my friends back.  I want the life I had 6 months ago back.  I want to be excited about taking an entire day and spending time with animals I love and Friends that make me laugh until I am sick.  I no longer have that.  Then I post things on facebook about wanting/needing friends and everyone says they will hang out.  Do they ever..no..again...blow...I am not sure what else to write right now, but hopefully this is the outlet I need.  I am going to end my posts with something I am grateful for/have positive going on in my life.  I need to get back in the right direction.

*I have an amazing husband and gorgeous son.  I have an awesome job.  I am thankful for the small things.  (most days)

Until later