A Blog about a 20 somethings boring,depressing life, and feelings, and how to change things for the better.
Monday, August 15, 2011
confused or unhappy?
Lately I have been contemplating more and more about whether or not I am cut out for the type of work I am doing. One day I am happy where I work and with what I do and the next I could care less if I go back. Is this normal? I dont feel as though I am being productive both financially and in my job. I feel i could and should do more. But if I did go back to school and or change professions, and happen to make more money, will that make me happy? I just dont know what I want. Part of me wants to find a way to stay at home, like in home babysitting. But will I be happy with that? I wish I had someone that could tell me the answer. And I know I do...it's me. There are so many aspects to my life at this point that I am not happy with, so I guess the long of the short of it is that the problem is me. I know that God will never give me any more than I can handle, but I'm getting toward the end of my rope, and its fraying...bad. I finally weaned myself off of my anti depressant/anxiety meds. I was feeling really good about that too. Until today. I have been at my job for almost a year, and now, just now they are starting to "train" me??? Seriously. And then of all days I have an issue with daycare and I need to take care of it and my "trainer" has the audacity to go to my supervisor and say I was on my phone, when she was there when I got pulled out of the room to take care of it. I just dont get how some people feel as though they are so perfect and everyone else isn't. It doesn't help that I already felt as though this person didnt like me. UGH I hate that I let myself get so upset and worked up over things like this. Truth is I think I need some time off. I just dont know. Am I confused about what I want, am I unhappy? I feel as though I screwed up in life by not going back and getting my masters right away. Now I have a child and I dont feel its fair to take the time away from him to go back to school. I am so sick to my stomach right now. Sorry this post is all over, but I told you that would happen. Ugh, I'm going to bed. to cry.
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