Monday, August 15, 2011

confused or unhappy?

Lately I have been contemplating more and more about whether or not I am cut out for the type of work I am doing.  One day I am happy where I work and with what I do and the next I could care less if I go back.  Is this normal?  I dont feel as though I am being productive both financially and in my job.  I feel i could and should do more.  But if I did go back to school and or change professions, and happen to make more money, will that make me happy?  I just dont know what I want.  Part of me wants to find a way to stay at home, like in home babysitting.  But will I be happy with that?  I wish I had someone that could tell me the answer.  And I know I do...it's me.  There are so many aspects to my life at this point that I am not happy with, so I guess the long of the short of it is that the problem is me.  I know that God will never give me any more than I can handle, but I'm getting toward the end of my rope, and its fraying...bad.  I finally weaned myself off of my anti depressant/anxiety meds.  I was feeling really good about that too.  Until today.  I have been at my job for almost a year, and now, just now they are starting to "train" me???  Seriously.  And then of all days I have an issue with daycare and I need to take care of it and my "trainer"  has the audacity to go to my supervisor and say I was on my phone, when she was there when I got pulled out of the room to take care of it.  I just dont get how some people feel as though they are so perfect and everyone else isn't.  It doesn't help that I already felt as though this person didnt like me.  UGH I hate that I let myself get so upset and worked up over things like this.  Truth is I think I need some time off.  I just dont know.  Am I confused about what I want, am I unhappy?  I feel as though I screwed up in life by not going back and getting my masters right away.  Now I have a child and I dont feel its fair to take the time away from him to go back to school.  I am so sick to my stomach right now. Sorry this post is all over, but I told you that would happen.  Ugh, I'm going to bed.  to cry.